Brain Spooge

Just like anyone with an email account I get spam email. It just so happens that I have seven email accounts, each of which operates for different uses. Sadly this means I have seven spam folders, and fittingly, seven times as much spam.

For the most part, this is irrelevant, and I usually just eject the miscreant messages into the digital aether, no harm, no foul. Just occasionally, I sometimes find a nugget of interest among the pebbles and detritus of pill offers and bitcoin scams.

Not too long ago, I found an email which I ended up reading out at a live open mic poetry session, such was I taken with it. I'm not usually one to do stand up poetry, but a strange coincidence of events brought it about. And It was actually a little fun.

Today I found a very spammy email. One which in its awfulness just made me smile. My spontaneous smile also then made me sad because I realise that no matter just how terrible the grammar, and regardless of the apparently amusing child-like written nature of the words, this email is written specifically to entice a portion of the population into clicking its included link... and I must assume, that it achieves this goal with enough success that it was worth writing and sending.

Here's the email:

Good day, I'm Alyssa, I'm 24 years old. It's very monotonous near to me, I wish a man to make me a pretty words:( Can U check out my romantic pics, perhaps I can delight u with my stretchy butt, considering that on all of this images I'm clothed only in very small panties. I eagerly desire to lay in the secure men's palms, I just would like U to hit my tits, lick my young kitty, take me on the table... Take a good look at my pics and write in my dating profile, don't make me wait! We can easily spend it lots more interesting ;)

[link removed]

 It starts quite well as far as introductions go, a little bit forward maybe, but it is an introduction without notable fault. But from the second sentence on, it's a highway crash of words and nonsense. And the fact that I have drawn the conclusion that there are people that fall for this just makes me sad for humanity

If there are people that are curious enough or compelled enough by this that the click a link, one which I'm certain will not work out well. I'm baffled how we as a species even managed to successfully propagate when clearly there is a gene for utter blind, self-harming stupidity.

But, I'm a curious fellow, and I'm hopefully tech-savvy enough to bypass any potential threat so, I fire up the necessary digital precations and take a look behind the curtain. Sadly, I find nothing amazing, or even unexpected just a few popped windows for "dating" sites all of which are clearly aimed at men. Maybe If I'd followed the links there'd be an email sign up of some kind and that might be the real trap, but I'm really just not that bothered in finding out and so my interest of the email fades away.

I do however take a little joy, just from the line; "perhaps I can delight u with my stretchy butt". I mean, I know what they were intending, but that particular phrasing just makes me chuckle.

If I leave any sentiment from this waffling rant, it's this: